August 21st, 2011
Living a full life: Being mature and gay
Having recently launched Singapore’s first gay dating guide, Oogachaga is back with a new publication; this time one for mature gay and bisexual men – defined as being aged 40 and above.
All images are courtesyl of Oogachaga. To download the PDF guide, click oogachaga.com/fulllife
The 36-page booklet, which is available for download as well as in print, is based on an online survey of 300 mature men and a series of focus group discussions, and is launched as part of the group’s mature men project that started in late 2010. The project included a workshop that was attended by more than 50 participants on 19 February 2011 and two runs of Saturday Tea Sessions in March and June where each run saw about 10 to 12 participants per session.
Bryan Choong, Oogachaga’s centre manager, told Fridae: “There are very few resources that can guide our writing in this booklet, and we could not find anything in Singapore. We also took a very long time to make sure this guide is relevant to the mature men.”
He hopes for the guide to promote positive mindset towards aging as a gay man; encourage mature men to build healthy interpersonal relationship, whether it is with family, friend or partner; and raise awareness among the mature gay and bisexual men on various issues that are specific to aging, such as financial health and sexual health.
The next Saturday Tea Sessions is planned for October 2011 and the next social event will be on 23 October 2011. For more details, email contact@oogachaga.com or call 626 86 626 or 6226 2002. Oogachaga operates a hotline (Tel: 626 86 626) from Tuesdays to Thursdays, 7pm to 10pm; and Saturdays from 2pm to 6pm.
To download the PDF guide, click oogachaga.com/fulllife.
The following is an excerpt from Living a Full Life:
BEING MATURE & GAY
Getting older (at any age) can be challenging, but it can be a really happy and fulfilling experience. There are many others who talk of “peak performance”, a “sexy midlife” and the “best years of their lives” as they embrace their mature age.
A mature gay man can be a caring, active and charismatic person. Your life experience has provided you with a repertoire of coping skills, resilience, better sense of self, assertiveness as well as support system.
Set a Vision for Yourself
Having a sense of purpose and passion and being able to impact the world with one’s talents is a central feature of being at a mature age. What makes you really happy and allows you to shine? Many find nurturing close relationships, managing career goals or maintaining household important.
Others increase their commitment to family and parents, or getting involved in activities related to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) or straight communities. It is up to you to create that vision for yourself.
Befriend the Midlife
The much talked about “midlife” incorrectly implies that there is little time left to live your vision. You may experience anxiety and apprehension at realizing that you have lived half your life and you begin to re-assess what you have accomplished so far. This is the perfect time to revisit your original vision. Maybe you’ll find that it doesn’t fit you anymore and that it should be changed. Remember, it is never too late to start planning or adjusting your life direction so that you can enjoy your mature age.
Maintain a Positive Outlook
What we say to ourselves impact our mood and behaviour. Our internal dialogue affects whether we look at life through a lens of optimism and hope, or pessimism and negativity. You can start by removing that “monster in your head” through examining your self-talk.
-What does it say about being middle-aged?
- What does it say about starting a new gay relationship at this stage of your life?
- What does it say about you?
Maybe this could be a good opportunity to change the way you feel about yourself! You can talk to a professional on how to enhance your life or you can share it with someone who has overcome some of the hurdles through this part of life.
Build Your Support Team
Nothing helps you through the challenges of getting older better than a solid support system of friends and people who care about you. Invest in current and new relationships to give you that sense of connection that we all need. Try to look for other midlife gay men who can serve as role models.
You could even become a mentor to someone else!
Enjoy Your Age
Your future is within your control and you can steer in the direction you want it to be! You are as young as you think, and resisting the fact that life changes will only keep you blocked in your development. Learn to accept all the physical and emotional changes that accompany growing older. Be proud of who you are and your story.
For some individuals, their path to self-acceptance is not an easy one. However, gay men who have made that journey will tell you that true happiness really lies in loving and embracing the person you see in the mirror. Some people managed to achieve self acceptance at a younger age but gaining a better understanding of yourself when you are older can also be a very empowering experience.
FINDING CONNECTIONS
Connecting with Self
Most people are continuously on a journey of self-discovery, some start young and many only establish a better understanding of themselves when they are more mature. Through many conversations with mature gay men, what was striking was that their relationships with others became more enriching when they understand and accept themselves better. So whether it is physically, psychologically or emotionally, start understanding and loving yourself more.
The level of self-confidence can affect your relationships with your partner, your family members and even your friends. Self-confidence can be viewed in different ways. For some, it means knowing about what you are able to achieve for yourself; for others, it is the knowledge that you are fine and that you have an equal right to be here.
There are many ways to enhance your self-confidence and here are some examples:
- Keeping healthy through exercise
- Grooming that presents you at your best
- Reading on things that stimulate your thoughts
- Travelling to places that inspire you
- Having a good mix of companionship or friendship that affirms you.
For some mature men, having gone through ups and downs in life will also give them a better sense of self control and confidence in maintaining their lives. By understanding what interests you and keep you going, you can be alone but not lonely. In short, a positive mind is often translated to a healthy physical self.
Connecting with Family
Family forms the core of a support system to many and can be made up of your same sex partner, opposite sex partner, children, parents and siblings. In the case of a mature gay man, even the extended family such as nephews and nieces is important. Many receive comfort and care from family members, especially if the relationship is close. This tie is particularly crucial as you age and require further attention and care from others.
More in the guide:
- Same-sex relationships
- Financial health
- Sexual health
- Staying active
- Resources
To download the PDF guide, click oogachaga.com/fulllife
Related Links
June 26th, 2011
A different breed of sponsors: PinkdotSG
Life! Straits Times
A different breed of sponsors
Clarissa Oon, 23 June 2011
(c) 2011 Singapore Press Holdings Limited
Controversial groups here get funding support from companies Google and Man Investments
The Singapore branch of global Internet giant Google has lent its name to the annual Pink Dot gathering at Speaker’s Corner.
Citing its commitment to diversity as an employer, Google Singapore approached the event, organised by the three-year-old pro-gay movement, and sponsored its concert at Hong Lim Park last Saturday.
Pink Dot organises a registered gathering at the park once a year and invites all Singaporeans who support the freedom to love regardless of sexual orientation.
The Google-Pink Dot tie-up comes after international fund manager Man Investments said it would underwrite an outspoken theatre festival produced by Wild Rice, which had its funding cut by the National Arts Council for disparaging the Government and doing counter- cultural plays.
Man is a high-profile arts sponsor which lends its name to the Man Booker Prize, a prestigious international literary award. Wild Rice’s festival, which runs from Aug 3 to 21, will now be known as the Man Singapore Theatre Festival.
While both Google and Man say they are not out to make a political statement, arts and civil society insiders Life! spoke to see them as a new type of unconventional corporate sponsor which takes its cue from cosmopolitan young consumers and their ’causes’ rather than an official government line.
Both companies decline to reveal the value of their sponsorship.
Google’s head of policy for South-east Asia Ann Lavin says it supports Pink Dot’s message as ‘an equal opportunity employer’ which ‘does not discriminate against any employee or applicant for employment because of race, creed, colour, religion, gender (or) sexual orientation’.
Mr Tim Peach, Man’s executive director and head of sales for South-east Asia, says that when it signed on as sponsor for Wild Rice, it was not aware of the cut to its government funding. ‘But from our point of view, it was immaterial,’ he adds.
The theatre company has a history of producing irreverent political satire and gay-themed plays.
The deal with Man has saved its Singapore Theatre Festival, which was in danger of being canned after the previous title sponsor, OCBC Bank, pulled out and National Arts Council cut its annual grant for the second year in a row. OCBC continues to sponsor the rest of Wild Rice’s season.
The theatre company got $110,000 this year from the council, down from $170,000 last year. The council said two years ago it would not fund projects ‘which are incompatible with the core values promoted by the Government and society or disparage the Government’.
Mr Peach says Man was drawn to Wild Rice’s popular festival, now in its third instalment, because it was ‘sustainable’ and ‘not a flash in the pan’.
‘We’re not trying to make a political statement. We’re an investment organisation which likes to sponsor the arts, and the arts can sometimes be controversial.’
He adds that Man ‘doesn’t mind being controversial’ as it has built its business on ‘challenging conventional wisdom of investment management’. He thinks the role of the arts is to ‘illuminate’, which can mean ‘challenging conventional wisdom, and those watching can draw their own conclusions’.
Nominated Member of Parliament for the arts Audrey Wong says such unconventional tie-ups are the exception rather than the rule, as big-time sponsors still fight shy of controversy. But partnerships such as the one between Google and Pink Dot are ‘inevitable because we’re so open to the world now, particularly with the influx of foreign talent in our midst’.
Lasalle-SIA College of the Arts academic Venka Purushothaman thinks that for some global companies, corporate sponsorship is giving way to ’cause marketing umbrella-ed by corporate social responsibility’.
This is to reach a huge and borderless youth market, which is ‘confident, connected, articulate and often clad with a newfound idealism about how they want to shape their environment’. Corporates take their cue from these consumers ‘rather than the state today’, he adds.
This is good news for independent- minded local arts groups who feel that they are ‘held ransom by state funds’, says sociologist Terence Chong of the Institute of South-east Asian Studies.
If such alternative sponsorship becomes a trend, the Singapore Government may have to rethink its current strategy of regulating the arts through funding.
‘Because the state continues to be the biggest and most important arts funder, it still wields great influence over arts content. If arts groups can tap into global capital, then such a strategy may lose its relevance,’ says Dr Chong.
June 18th, 2011
Hong Kong supports PinkDotSG
Hong Kong showed its love for the brothers and sisters in Singapore by posting photos in support of the 10000 people gathered to form a large Pink Dot at Hong Lim Park in Singapore (18 June 2011).
Here are the photos: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150213120258797.311164.191414298796&l=f16759d677
June 6th, 2011
Retired High Court judge: Gays in Singapore keep it ”quiet” due to gay sex law
Source: Fridae.com
“I think it is important for it to be said here in Singapore that there are gay people everywhere and if suddenly all them stood up and said: ‘This is me. It’s like left-handedness, it’s no big deal. Get over it. Have an aspirin. Have a lie down. You’ll feel better tomorrow.’ And things will be different.” – The Hon. Michael Kirby
The eminent Michael Kirby, a retired Australian High Court judge who’s openly gay, told an audience of about 200 legal professionals in Singapore that the country’s gay sex laws could have an adverse impact of the health of gay men who are at higher risk of HIV/AIDS, and it’s “important that they should have equality and dignity.”
Photo: Marcus Mok via Michaelkirby.com.au. The Michael Kirby Centre for Public Health and Human Rights – a collaboration of scholars in the School of Public Health and Preventive Medicine at Melbourne’s Monash University – was launched in September 2010. The centre aims to conduct research which informs the development of public health policies and programmes in which human rights standards and norms are critically considered.
Speaking at the Singapore Law Society’s Biennial Lecture on Tuesday night, Kirby covered three topics: setting up Australia’s Law Reform Commission in 1975, the case for judges to draw on human rights principles and Singapore’s section 377A which criminalises gay sex.
The 72-year-old member of the UNAIDS Reference Group on HIV and Human Rights described the threat of HIV as a “very urgent problem” and that prevention is high on the UN’s priority list given that 2.6 million people are infected every year. The issue is exacerbated as there’s no vaccine, and the funding for anti-retroviral drugs has decreased since the global financial crisis. He will also be speaking at the 2011 UN General Assembly Special Session on HIV/AIDS in New York to be held 8-10 June.
“How can we get rid of the laws… that is a barrier in the minds of people getting the information that is necessary for their protection and the protection of society?”
Kirby, who is an internationally known advocate against laws criminalising gay sex, described Singapore’s section 377A as a “problem” in the efforts of HIV/AIDS prevention and “burden” the country inherited as a British colony.
He noted that the law society had proposed for the law to be repealed in 2007 as part of Singapore’s first major penal code amendments in 22 years but was not accepted by the parliament.
The “nasty little provision” or similar versions of it is in force in 41 of the 54 Commonwealth countries – including Singapore – today. He pointed out that the rate of HIV infection in Commonwealth countries is double that of nations that have laws influenced by the French (Napoleonic) legal system.
Kirby, who told the audience that he’s been a relationship with the same partner for 42 years, drew a comparison between gays today and the way Asians in Australia were made to feel like outsiders who “were never quite accepted” during the ‘White Australia’ years. The policy, which was in place from 1901 to 1973, intentionally restricted ‘non-white’ immigration to Australia.
“In my own case I’ve a particular interest in this because of my own sexuality as a homosexual man. And I tell you that not to intrude a personal feature into what is a very dignified and agreeable occasion but because of this.”
“We were very fearful of Asian people,” he said as he recalled his experience growing up as a boy in the 1950s in Sydney.
That is until an Asian family moved next door to his. “My parents who had just an ordinary Australian upbringing came to know and to love them… It’s much harder to hate people if you know them.”
“Now we all know in this room that there’ve always been gay lawyers and gay judges but generally speaking in societies which criminalise them, they are under tremendous pressure to keep it quiet. I kept it quiet. But I had the good fortune to have a partner for 42 years. 42 years, can you imagine it? It was harder to keep it silent,” said Australia’s longest serving judge who spoke without referring to any notes throughout his entire speech.
[Kirby himself came out in 1999 in Who's Who in Australia by naming Johan van Vloten as his long-term partner.]
“I tell it to you because I think to some extent gay people have conspired in their own second-class position and it’s not their fault; but it’s part of the facts that they’ve kept it quiet because they’ve been frightened. And I think it is important for it to be said here in Singapore that there are gay people everywhere and if suddenly all them stood up and said: ‘This is me. It’s like left-handedness, it’s no big deal. Get over it. Have an aspirin. Have a lie down. You’ll feel better tomorrow.’ And things will be different.”
“And I hope that in saying that, I have made a little contribution to the understanding that gay people are human beings too, they are professional people, they are lawyers, they are judges, they are amongst you, and it’s important that they should have equality and dignity,” he said.
“And in the age of AIDS, they should be encouraged to know and to be reached to, to be informed and to save themselves and their societies from infection.”
Related Articles on Fridae
- retention of gay sex laws “cannot be justified”: singapore’s law society to government
- singapore authorities ban lecture on gay sex laws by canadian professor
- allow space for gays but gay sex ban to stay: singapore PM
- singapore parliamentarians debate retention or repeal of section 377A
- Singapore UN delegate: “What is being criminalised is not gay Singaporeans but homosexual acts”
